Thursday, September 25, 2008

Capping Off Rounds At Disneyland

How many of you---postal workers and police officers excluded---get to squeeze off multiple rounds from a .38 caliber revolver during your typical work day?

Disneyland provides its Jungle Cruise skippers with this unique work experience. Each trip through the Jungle, the skipper fires two shots in order to save his crew from dreadful attack by audio-animatronic hippopotami.

The gun we used in the Jungle was a real Smith & Wesson .38 revolver. Okay, it has been modified so that no one could fit a real round into its chamber, but those plastic "blanks" we use are still mighty noisy. That's why skippers hold the gun above the canopy and shoot upward---it is a little quieter for the guests in the front of the boat.

I heard once of a "friend" who took a boat through the Jungle with a couple of obnoxious teenagers sitting up front, alternatively interrupting, heckling and often ignoring the captain. By the time he arrived at the Hippo Pool, the skipper had had enough. Instead of discharging his weapon above the canopy, he lowered it straight out, pointed toward the hippos and fired two deafening rounds---about three feet from the ears of the teenage pests.

My friend was deafened, too, from the blasts, but---(it is my understanding)---it was worth it! The teenagers kept their sassy little mouths shut for the remainder of the trip.

As we say at the World Famous Jungle Cruise:

"Ride's over. Get out."

Love,

Mike

12 comments:

egebs said...

I love your blog. Although i've never been to Disneyland. the way you write is so interesting.

sean said...

The magic of Disneyland. Great story. I can see that being very fun.

Sean

Tashai said...

To the teenagers...I say "touche"

Brent Festge said...

I don't get to shoot guns every day, but I get to scream at little kids and occasionally fake like I'm going to punch one of them.

I was a bus driver until yesterday's hearing. I'm going to appeal.

Anonymous said...

Back in my day, we were told to point the gun between the cleats at the front of the boat. Originally we had real blanks, then specially modified blands to muffle some of the sound. The 38's were not modified. Loud?? You bet, but then again when we were off the rail those guns needed to be loud so to be heard back at the dock.

rachete said...

Disney makes us all feel young again doesn't it?

Muppet said...

Oh. My.

The existence of your blog makes me so happy.

Have you by chance been since Halloween time has been up and running?

The only thing I dislike about Disneyland are those obnoxious teenagers...

thegreymadness said...

Never been to USA, not sure if I will get to Disneyland though am taking in all the tips incase by some dimensional shift I do.

I can understand the need to resort to shock value in order to reality orientate obnoxious ones, I don't have a fire arm at work though in prison I have my own methods that prove effective.

Love the writing style.


Madness

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Alex said...

That is awesome! Something I would totally do to anyone being a smart ass on my boat. I've never been to Disneyland but love Disneyworld. Nice blog

Anonymous said...

I did something similar to a little pest on JC in the early 80's, except with a different twist. I had this little bastard that sat right next to me and kept asking about the "cap gun" as soon as he got on the boat. He was relentless, and would not shut up: "When are you gonna shoot your cap gun, huh, huh, huh?" I finally had enough, so while I was spieling, I unloaded one of the rounds and replaced it with the extra loud "breakdown ammo" that was used to signal the dock in case of a mechanical malfunction (we didn't have walkie-talkies on the boats back then). When we got to the hippo pool, I shot the first regular round to the starboard side, and then, while the kid was mocking my "cap gun" for the 99th time, I fired the second breakdown ammo shot about 6 inches from his left ear. The noise was literally deafening. I didn't hear from him for the rest of the trip, and I'm sure he didn't hear anything at all for the next several days.

Good blog, keep it up,

Skipper Steve

Anne said...

hey there! I'm a teenager, but I'm not obnoxious! There are lots of obnoxious teenagers though so I get your point. I'm just one of those strange ones.