Thursday, September 30, 2010
To the right side of the picture, you can see the hornbill and two crocs at the first turn after the "rain forest."
"Old Smiley" (the oldest and laziest crocodile in these parts; he just sits along the river waiting for a handout, so please keep your hands and arms inside the boat at all times) is around the next bend to the port side, not far from the ancient shrine defended by an enormous spider.
The baboon family (Pat, Debbie, Bob, Daniel) are back at their old perch along the small waterfalls just before the African Veldt scene (they've since been moved to a spot just after the squirting elephant and before the safari camp invaded by gorillas).
The old thatched Jungle queue and ticket booth can be seen along the bottom right.
This great cover illustration appeared on the Winter 1981/82 cover of Disney News (Vol. 17, No. 1). At pages 8 and 9 of this issue, we find the following article on the Jungle Cruise which I felt compelled to share with you fine people. These pages are large when you click on them, so you can read them more easily. Ah, it makes the fire inside burn for a hand on the boat throttle, a hand on the P.A. microphone and a boat full of guests!
Thanks for joining me today in the Jungle.
I'd also like to take a moment, if I may, to thank...
...my legs---for always supporting me;
...my arms---for always being at my side; and
last, but certainly not least,
...my fingers and toes...
I know that I can always count on them!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
This is not scientific and is not based upon actual data from the Park's operations department, but I'll bet I'm not too far off from the real wait time averages.
So, you're at the Park on an average day with about 35,000 of your fellow guests pounding the pavement with you.
You want to take in an attraction, but all the FastPasses are used up or you cannot wait for the next FastPass time to ride.
Where do you go for the shortest wait in line?
You want air conditioning?
Head to Walt Disney's Enchanted Tiki Room or Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln. The shows run at regular intervals and even at their most crowded your wait time is like 15 minutes max.
You have young children?
Winnie the Pooh is waiting.
This queue consistently funnels guests into Pooh's adventures at a pretty good clip.
It's no Country Bear Jamboree, but such is life in modern Disneyland, my friends.
Folks in your group gung-ho for some roller coaster action?
Believe it or not, the Matterhorn beckons.
Especially when both sides of the mountain are running (as is usually the case), the Matterhorn queue---though it looks long, moves pretty quickly for an "E-Ticket" attraction. Jump in line by the Finding Nemo subs and you'll be answering, "How many here?" before you know it.
Really, really bored and want some mindless distraction without much wait?
Hate to say it, but: Innoventions.
Amazingly, there's rarely much of a line for this continuously moving, self-guided tour attraction.
Have a blast in there.
If you can.
Little kids in your party not satisfied with Winnie the Pooh?
Scare the hell out of them with Snow White's Scary Adventures or Pinocchio.
The lines for these two Fantasyland classics are never terribly long---sorry, folks, these ain't no "Peter Pan" attractions.
For the five and under set, these two attractions can creative lifelong memories of dark, scary scenes involving skeletons and kids turning into donkeys.
They'll be scarred for life.
And, you don't have to wait long for the experience.
Okay, last one for today's stream-of-consciousness, post-from-the-hip: Jungle Cruise.
You guys shoulda seen THAT ONE coming.
Jungle's line is rarely more than 10 minutes long---especially in the later afternoon.
It has a great cycle time, since they dump 40 people into a boat every minute or two and then quickly send a fresh, empty one to the dock for 40 more.
Grab an "Indy" FastPass and jump on the Jungle Cruise.
Say hi to the world's current best skipper, Kip, if you should be so lucky.
Wait for his boat, my friends.
That's some advice you'll thank me for.
For now, this is Mike saying: Keep your hands and arms inside the boat as we approach the dock.
Had an English teacher on board last week that put her hand out when we docked.
Now she teaches...
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The little mall there that leads out to what is now the Carnation Cafe has always been charming. Thanks to Dave at davelandweb.com for posting the photograph above that shows the walkway, looking from north to south (i.e., from Carnation back toward the Emporium). The architectural details, inside and out, reflect the artistry and commitment of the builders, who wanted to capture the feeling of a turn of the century town.
As you walk out of the Emporium and down the corridor between the clock shop to your right and the toy shop to your left, you are immersed in a little slice of yesterday. Gingerbread carpentry details, high ceilings and crown molding create a feast for the eyes.
I particularly love the the old, curved glass awning that covers the doorway leading out onto West Center Street from the Emporium mall. The glass has criss-crossing lines of wire through it and the awning structure is capped with Main Street's famous light bulbs.
To your left are restrooms and behind those restrooms is the back stage walkway and the back side of the Jungle Cruise. As I recall, the dancing natives are near here, and, if you listen carefully, you can hear them chanting from over the Main Street rooftops.
The Emporium itself is a wonder of colors and Disneyana. Always has been.
Mugs, stuffed Mickeys, bumper stickers, plates, antenna balls, shirts, hats and related items fill the shelves and surround shoppers with Disneydom.
One should never pass up an opportunity to visit the Emporium while on Main Street.
It would be un-American!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
...a hot cup of coffee at the Market House.
...one of the old fashioned strawberry ice cream sodas at the old Carnation Ice Cream Parlor on Main Street.
...a Lapu Lapu at the Tambu Lounge in the Polynesian Resort in Walt Disney World.
...a mint julep at the French Market counter in New Orleans Square.
...a long sit at the Hungry Bear, watching the river flow by.
...a warm, salted Pretzel at the Mile Long Bar in Bear Country.
...an air conditioned showing of the Country Bear Jamboree.
...a ride in the wheelhouse of the Mark Twain.
...a float from Tomorrowland, through the Matterhorn, and down into the Fantasyland station of the Skyway.
...a trip to the Park in 1967 (thanks, DisneyTim!).
...an Adventure Through Inner Space (thanks Amity Productions!).
...a "Steamboat" from the River Belle Terrace.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Michael Eisner was in my local paper recently, in an article about his being invited to speak at a local college's business school.
His lecture: "How To Turn A Warm Family Business Into A Global Corporate Machine That Occasionally Kills Guests While Waiting To Board The Columbia Or Riding Big Thunder" was not well attended, thankfully.
On seeing Einser's name, after choking back a bit of rising bile, I warmly recalled Roy Disney's campaign to have him ousted as chairman of the Walt Disney Company back in late 2003. Roy and his supporters set up "SaveDisney.com" and put on a media blitz to have Eisner removed by the board.
Here's a video Roy made at the time.
At the top of this post is a bumper sticker I got from an old friend of Roy Disney's.
He helped sail one of Roy's precious racing yachts, The Pyewacket IV, in a race event in Cork, Ireland, among other places.
After regaling me with stories of Roy and his sailing, I mentioned Eisner and the old SaveDisney campaign.
He said to me, "I still have some of the bumper stickers Roy was handing out."
"Really?" says I. "Might I have one??"
He gave me two.
I scanned one in and posted it above for you fine people.
Thankfully, the Eisner era came to an end before much more damage could be done to the Park.
I was definitely a shareholder carrying a pitchfork and a torch back then.
Then there's that park he helped build next door.
The folks at Disney now have to spend $2 billion just to make Eisner's "California Adventure" even remotely Disney-worthy.
It's like they were trying to make Walt spin in his grave when they originally designed that place!
It even had "Carney" rides and games, which Walt said he did not want!
I'm sorry, but I can ride a ferris wheel, swings, parachutes (ahem, "Jellyfish"), the cat and mouse coaster (er, um, "Mulholland Madness"), or throw balls at milk bottles at my local fairgrounds.
To be fair, I'll give them Soarin', Tower of Terror, Grizzly Rapids and Screamin'.
Okay, that's four (4).
Heck, I have that many readers for Goodness' sake!
Oh, and nice park layout.
I've never seen so many random walkways and shadeless expanses.
It's like Magic Mountain without the mountain or the youthful gang members.
Better yet, let's build a theme park in California that has as its main theme---California.
That's like going to Rome and visiting "Rome-land," instead of exploring The Eternal City itself.
Think that Golden Gate bridge thingy over the entrance to DCA comes anywhere close to the real thing??!!And Whoopi Goldberg was not exactly my image of the "Spirit of California."
Why not Rosie O'Donnell?
Sorry, I promised myself I would not to launch into one of my tirades.
Requiescat in pace, Roy.
Friday, September 17, 2010
It is an odd fact that it exists, actually.
Uniquely American, it is international in its appeal.
It was creatively conceived, but delicately and precisely engineered.
A small world unto itself, it is tucked behind a large berm in the middle of modern Orange County.
From Main Street Americana to jungle rivers to ghosts and pirates, it plunges visitors into imaginative fantasy worlds that are at once real and completely made up.
I do not think it could have been built today.
The manner in which Walt and his team of artists, designers, architects and engineers went about creating, designing and then building the Park was unique to say the least.
Why is it so darn appealing, so deeply "connected," to so many people?
Dole Whip addiction?
A powerful link to our youth?
I will never be able to frame a satisfactory answer.
Look at this silly blog.
How could one place inspire one person to post hundreds of times to four (4) people he hardly knows----(sorry, Mom, that wasn't meant for you!)?
If you told me---assuming no Disneyland existed---that I would spend time in a boat, going in a circle through jungle scenes, repeating tired old jokes to 30 to 40 people trapped on the vessel with me, and would somehow enjoy this experience enough to blog about it almost 25 years later...I think I would seriously question whether you had adequate control of your faculties. That is, I'd think you were nuts.
Most experiences in life that are repeated over and over become a bore or a chore or both.
Only truly good songs can we hear again and again, with each time sounding as great as the first time we heard it.
How many times have I been to the Park over my life?
I have really lost track.
Why is each time new and different?
Why isn't it "the same old Castle, the same old Main Street, the same boring old Matterhorn, the same old Pirates burning down the same old seaport?"
Really, if I went anywhere else on the planet as many times as I've been to the Park, I am quite sure it would get old and I would just stop going at some point.
So, to Walt Disney, Harper Goff, Admiral Joe Fowler, X Atencio, Marc Davis, Sam McKim, Mary Blair, Marty Sklar, Tony Baxter, Bob Gurr, Rolly Crump, Claude Coats, Roger Broggie, Harriet Burns, Yale Gracey, John Hench, Herb Ryman, and the countless other talented folks who made the modern Park a real place for us to experience, I say thank you.
Thank you for this special place.
Thanks for doing the impossible because, "the impossible is fun," as Walt once famously said.
Here's to Disneyland!!
"That's all I've got to say about that." ---F. Gump
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Not much happening.
Yes, I am speaking of the walkway directly south of the Matterhorn.
Tucked between the back side of what used to be the Circle Vision theater, and is now Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blasters, is a little stretch of nothingness.
To your left (as your approach the Submarine Lagoon from Main Street) rises the Matterhorn, with its wrought iron fence and various flora. The Monorail track runs through here on its final leg into the Tomorrowland station.
To your right...
And some tables that seem to have lost their way (they appear to have a distant connection to the Tomorrowland Terrace).
There is just not much happening here.
Not sure what they could do to spruce it up.
A mural maybe?
Mary Blair, wherefore art thou?
A character greet location? (I know, Tinkerbell's "Pixie Hollow" is but a stone's throw away).
A Swiss Chalet alpine painting?
From the time Walt decided to build a mountain on an old hill in this spot, the area between the back side of Tomorrowland and the southern base of the Matterhorn has always been kind of a "limbo."
Not quite Fantasy, not yet Tomorrow.
It is a thoroughfare.
A place to pass through.
It is a fairly nice spot, though.
I really haven't the foggiest idea what I'd put there, but it seems to beg for something more than presently exists.
I'll leave the floor open for comments, suggestions, observations, etc.
Subjects like this can get all four (4) of our readers into such a froth that their simultaneous postings almost crash the primitive server here at "Jungle is 101."
Something's going on up ahead!
Oooh! It looks VERY dangerous!
Lets get CLOSER!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Exhibit A: Disneyland Cast Members - looks like this was taken between 1977 and 1982 (note the cast of The Rescuers have joined Mickey and the gang---and The Rescuers debuted in 1977). My money is that this is from around 1978, since I have seen other photographs from that time period and Disneyland's "Population" listed on the rail platform sign was 157,000,000. Fact: Today it shows 500,000,000. Of course, the elevation has always been listed at 138 feet, to my knowledge.I love this photograph because it shows how color-driven the Park was---while providing examples of practically every attraction, vending, foods or merchandising costume. The only person I recognize from my time at the Park is the nurse from Central First Aid, standing to the right of the Mickey flower scuplture's mouth. The Jungle Cruise cast member representative stands near his Mike Fink's Keel Boat counterpart to the far right of the photograph.
I don't see anyone from Big Thunder (which debuted in 1979), nor from the Mine Train to Nature's Wonderland (which shut down during construction for Big Thunder). Further, the Tiki costume shirt is red in this photograph (not orange, as it was in the 1980s---see the Tiki host at the far left, front row). America Sings (presented by Del Monte) is represented by the young lady to the left of the Disneyland Railroad cast member in the center of the photograph. The Country Bear Jamboree (presented by Wonder Bread) has its spokeswoman standing above Winnie the Pooh (and next to someone who could be Betty White's sister!). It is also good to see that a couple of the Royal Street Bachelors stopped by for the photograph. Even the Motor Boat Cruise (can you guess which one? It took a B Coupon to ride!), the Columbia (upper left, next to the Frontierland chap in the ten gallon hat) , the Mark Twain (one person to the left of the Jungle skipper), the Haunted Mansion (front row, right side of photo, next to the lady in pink---anyone have a clue where she worked??) managed to send representatives. Unless my eyes deceive me---it appears that the Pirates of the Caribbean cast member slept in and failed to make the photo shoot that morning!
Above we have the proud Mark Twain sailing toward Bear Country. This photograph was taken from atop the tree house on Tom Sawyer's Island---the leaves in the foreground are a dead giveaway.
Fact: the maintenance guy at the back of the boat made us stop or go. We would signal him with whistle and bells as we approached the Frontier landing. I never had a trip where the guy forgot to stop at the landing. Random Fact: the Casey Jr. Circus Train queue used to form on the other side of the little depot building before the New Fantasyland was put in place (it was finished in 1983). In other words, you used to wait in line on what is now the Dumbo side of the depot building. Today, the line forms on what used to be the Skyway side of the building. Now you know. Ah, Space Mountain and the famous Space Stage. Before the Magic Eye Theater was installed here, there was a good-sized stage and many different groups performed at this location. As I recall from Grad Nite, Rupert Holmes performed there singing Escape (the Pina Colada song), which seemed an odd choice for the Disneyland crowd, since the nearest Pina Colada was a Monorail ride away over at the Disneyland Hotel! Still, it was a big hit in the late 1970s and early 1980s.
Fact: the Peoplemover through the Superspeed Tunnel was presented by Goodyear. Random Fact: the Big 11 ticket book for sale in 1978-79 was priced at $7.00 for adults and contained 4 E-tickets, 3 D-tickets, 2 C-tickets, 1 B and 1 A ticket. An A-ticket would get you a ride on the Horse Drawn Street Cars, the Horseless Carriage, the Omnibus, the Fire Engine, the King Arthur Carousel, the Main Street Cinema or a tour through the diorama scenes inside Sleeping Beauty Castle. Now you know.
Finally, the photograph above shows why the "old" Tomorrowland lacked color and vitality. Glad they changed it.
Fact: Several of my Disneyland buddies actually were "East Siders" and worked Peoplemover and the Rocket Jets in the 1980s. We made fun of their polyester disaster costumes (until we had to work Tiki---that pretty much evened the score). Random fact: the polyester pants prevalent in the Park back then would pull the hair on the legs of male (and some hirsute female) cast members. Ouch.
Guess who sponsored "It's A Small World" back in 1978-79?
Bank of America.
I would've guessed International House of Pancakes. Oh well.
As you exit the boat today, please check around and make sure you have with you all your personal belongings: hats, bags, small children, cameras.
Anything left behind will be thrown, screaming, overboard to the crocodiles at the end of the evening.
I don't know if you've ever heard a camera scream.
It's a downright negative experience.
Especially for a guy with a photographic memory like me.
I shutter to think about it.
I mean, I can picture it, but thankfully, it's over in a flash.
Anyways, don't lose your focus,
You best zoom off my boat before anything serious develops.
Trust me, you don't want that kind of exposure.
Wait! Don't leave! Our relationship hasn't fully developed!!!
Man...do I feel...
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sure, there are the October Halloween maniacs and the folks who make Disneyland their destination for Christmas Day and New Years (and there are plenty of 'em, let me tell you).
But most of you out there find yourself at Disneyland on warm California days filled with sunshine and Mickey Mouse balloons.
I say, for you SoCal locals, pick the coldest, dampest, rainiest day ever, grab your Annual Passport and a jacket and hit the road to 1313 South Harbor Boulevard.
Some of the best times at the Park have happened on days of inclement weather.
You may miss out on a few rides---many are under rehab during the time of year when cold rain falls (January - March/April).
Many are not just not fun to ride in the rain---Storybook, Mad Tea Party, Dumbo, Autopia, etc.
However, you will make up for the missed rides by being able to inhale the ambiance of a Disneyland sparkling wet and devoid of crowds.
The shops become warm and inviting.
Coffee from the Market House on Main Street tastes better than ever!
Whatever they're making over at the Candy Palace will smell even more amazing than usual when the aroma floats to your nose on cool, damp air.
Come on, let's hit New Orleans Square!
Are you kidding?
Those quaint little streets and walkways become irresistible when you add rain and cloud cover.
Gas lamps enchant.
The Christmas shop seems more, I don't know, Christmas-y.
Lunch at the Cafe Orleans even tastes better.
And just look at that view.
The Rivers of America flow in the distance, with wind billowing the trees along the waters edge.
If you find yourself getting cold, head to the Village Haus or the Plaza Inn or the Emporium or, heaven forbid, Innoventions (gack! At least you'll be out of the wind and rain).
Walk through every shop on Main Street!
Take in the trinkets.
Ponder the plush toys.
Ogle the ornaments.
Consider the clothing.
Mull the Mickey merchandise.
Digest the Disneyana.
Peer out through the windows and doorways at the falling rain.
Look at the shining sidewalks and trolley tracks.
The trees are greener with wet leaves.
The flowers splay their colors with a muted fervor and contrast beautifully with the gray sky.
Those famous Main Street street lamps glisten and warmly glow.
Umbrellas bob up and down.
Guests in all colors and sorts of rain gear bustle to and fro.
It's downright Dickens, I tell you.
Get to the Hub and look at Sleeping Beauty's Castle.
It is so brightly colored when framed by a cloudy sky, its conical rooftops slick with rain.
Cross the drawbridge and dry off a bit inside the Castle's archway.
Wander into the shops of Fantasyland.
The Wicked Queen looks a touch more menacing when she peers out from her window atop Snow White's Scary Adventures with a slate gray sky looming behind her.
Toad Hall's many chimneys look all the more inviting.
The Carousel becomes a joy and a refuge.
The Matterhorn looks more mountainous, its snowy peaks, a bit...peakier.
Well...Toontown's Toontown no matter the weather.
Go if you want.
I'll be in the Park if you need me.
Ooh. That sounded bitter.
Of course, that's what I was going for.
Bottom line: catch the Park on a rainy day, it is a real treat.
And, as we approach the dock, I'm reminded of the time Trader Sam invited me over for dinner.
I got there late, so the only things left were finger foods.
The ladyfingers didn't have much meat, but let me tell you,
...as far as flavor goes...they were NAILS!
And don't even get me started on the rump roast...
...or the head cheese...
...or the elbow macaroni...
...or the toe jam...
...or the knuckle sandwich...
...0r the eye rolls...
...or, for that matter, the hand roll sushi...
...or the boneless Patty...(poor gal)...
...or its companion dish, the Patty melt...(poor, poor gal)...
...or the Chef's surprise (never saw THAT ONE coming!)...
...or the "Soup of the Day"...(ditto)...
...or the Sloppy Joe (thanks, Manwich!)...
...or the Stu (and Stu was such a nice guy)...
...or the Reuben sandwich...
...or Sam's amazing array of international cuisine:
...the German mustard...
...the French toast...
...the Belgian waffle...
...the American pie...
...the Italian dressing...
...the Cajun gumbo...
...the Irish stew...
...the Chinese pot stickers...
...the Polish sausage...
...the Swedish meatballs...
...the Dutch turnovers...
...the Greek salad...
...the Mongolian barbeque...
...the Hawaiian luau...
...the Swiss cheese...
...the Brazil nut...
...the Mexican tamales...
...the Canadian bacon...
...the Welsh pudding...
...the English toffee...
...the Hungarian goulash...
...the Cuban sandwich...or
...the Indian curry (ooh, spicy!).
...or the kid's meal...
...(wait for it)...
...the baby back ribs.
"I want my baby back, baby back, baby back..." (with apologies to Chili's)
Now that's just gross.
Or is it net?
Well, it all adds up to a fine meal, no matter how you slice it!
As I've always said, you are truly...
...a CUT above!
You give a whole new meaning to the term: "A Family Dining Experience."
Saturday, September 11, 2010
As the Monorail turns to the left approaching Harbor Boulevard, look to your left, and slightly back, and you will see a large, green building---this is the Wardrobe building where Cast Members get issued their costumes.
You will also see the front of the old Administration building. It is painted kind of a custard yellow and is fairly nondescript. Part of it is shown at the right side of the photograph. You can clearly see this area from the Monorail.
You can also see the new "Harbor House" entrance for Cast Members as you cross over this area by Monorail. Here is how it looks from the ground---see the Monorail track I'm talking about?
Okay, and for our final view today, the famous Jungle break area and boat storage---which you can see if you are sent as a guest down the back side of Main Street (on the west side) during a heavy traffic day and after a big parade.
They march you right through the doors to the right of the Candy Palace. Here's what they look like on the other side---along with a slightly too cool Jungle skipper in Maui Jim's.
That's enough for today!
As "Little Leota" would say,
Friday, September 10, 2010
Anyhow, today we climb to the upper levels of the "new" parking structure over on the west side of the Park on what used to be West Street.
The next time you park up there, on your way to the escalators be sure to head to the far east end of the structure (closest to the Park) and take a gander.
You will find yourself peeking over the wall at Disneyland's back lot. The tree-lined berm you see from there is the back side of the Rivers of America and the Disneyland Railroad.
Look closer. You just might spot a wayward Autopia car or some other ride vehicle back in the shop for a rehab.
The paint shop is back there, too. I bet you might see a few area trash cans lined up outside of it for some repainting.
To your far left and off in the distance is the Parade Building. You'll never guess what's in there.
You can also see the back side of the Toontown facade and one of the access tunnels that leads under the berm.
I don't have a photo to post for this one, but anyone who parks at or near the top of the structure can get a great shot of a good chunk of the backstage area at the northern edge of the Park.
Not sure Walt would've been too pleased with the location of the parking structure or the glimpses of Diseyland's back areas that it affords to guests.
Not much anyone can do about it now, so go ahead and take a good long peek next time you're at the structure if such sights interest you. Plenty to see!
Happy Friday, Jungleteers!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Today, we offer another lesser known restroom location---often missed or passed by guests (even lifetime Disneyland park goers).
Where, you ask?
The restrooms are situated at the northern edge of a little corridor tucked between the souvenir stand and the old Bank of America (now the new Disney Gallery).
As you enter the park through the east tunnel (uh, the one on the right as you come in), exit the tunnel and hang a right just past the souvenir stand.
The little alleyway there leads to restrooms (on your left). Towering above you to your right is the famous "berm" that surrounds the Park. You can get a pretty up close and personal look at the berm from this spot (or take a ride over it by jumping on the Disneyland Railroad). This alley also has a Cast Member entrance/exit to the backstage area.
Incidentally, for those who love to know these things, when you walk backstage at this location you pass some lockers on your right. Ahead of you is the old administration building. Housed there today are places like Custodial's offices, Security and, at the far east end of the building, the Zoo Crew---where Disney characters spruce up before heading out on stage.
To your left as you walk through the area is the back side of Lincoln theater. At the northern end of this building is the Disneyland Fire Department (a real working fire station).
Keep walking north and you'll see way up in the distance the Inn Between. To your left you will pass the large parade gate that allows floats, bands, dancers, etc. to access Main Street just above the Mad Hatter. Here's a photograph of the area I am describing for you.
This is taken from the Administration Building facing to the west. You can see the back of the Lincoln theater to the left side of the photograph---with the Disneyland Fire Department station decked out in red. Over the roof of the theater building you can see the top of City Hall (to give you some perspective).
The large tree in the top central area of the photograph is near the parade gate that exits onto Main Street.
During extremely busy days, guests are actually herded through this backstage location (egads!), so some of you folks may have walked through here even if you never wore a Mickey Mouse nametag.
Anyway, next time you need a restroom on Town Square---don't follow the crowd to the ones located between City Hall and the Fire Station---get "in the know" and coyly slide over to the east side, down the alley I described for you above.
(Don't let anyone see you! It'll be our little secret!)
And now folks, as we approach the dock, please keep your hands and arms inside the boat.
When we come to a full and complete stop, I'm going to ask you to rise like bread, no loafing about.
I'm sorry for muffin these stale and crumby jokes,
but it’s the yeast I can do on the dough I make.
Now I don't want you going off half-baked or getting fried because you think I'm flaky.
I’ll try and do butter next time.
You’re probably wondering, where does he get that rye sense of humor?
Actually, I got it from my parents.
My father was Danish.
My mom French.
They both came from upper crust families and, when they got married,
They were the toast of the town!
Sorry folks, no matter how you slice it, this routine's ingredients make it a recipe for disaster.
I apologize for any mix ups and didn't mean to cause a stir.
I milk these jokes for all they're worth and hope that they will flower.
But I usually end up beaten and battered,
with egg on my face.
So I take it all with a grain of salt.
After all, this job is no cakewalk! Let me tell you.
But I can't let that frost me...
Because I really need the dough.
Don't stop me now,
I'm on a ROLL.
Hey, it looks like we've gotta jam now, so…
…put a fork in us---we're done!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I am always amazed how few people take advantage of the shops along both sides of Main Street in order to avoid, or at least partially avoid, the pedestrian traffic nightmare.
If you are on the east side of the street, making your way down from the Hub, stick to the far left. Enter the doorway between the old Carefree Corner and the Baby Center and walk through the shops until you hit Center Street east.
Cross Center Street and enter the Market House.
Cut through the Disneyana shop next door and jump back out onto Main Street through this shop's entrance. Hang a left and keep heading toward Town Square.
If it is really packed, you can even jump in the doorway at the Magic Shop and continue through the corner shop and out onto Town Square.
For those of you trapped on the West Side of Main Street, pop into the Candy Shop at the Coke Corner north entrance, stay along the back wall and then cut left into the ice cream shop. A hard right through the Blue Ribbon Bakery takes you out onto West Center Street (with the Carnation Cafe to your right). Make another hard right before the Clock Shop and a left into the Emporium Mall (at the 102 West Center Street entrance). Walk through the mall, staying to the right, until you hit the Emporium. Make another right past the hat display and through the back of the store toward the exit that leads out onto Town Square near the Fire Station.
Heck, you're almost to your car!
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